How is Howie 1/3 of a year old already?! I swear he grows faster and faster everyday! And he’s definitely more baby than newborn now. His newest trick is standing up when we hold his hands, pulling mommy’s hair, and rolling over!! He’s rolled over more front to back but back to front a couple of times too. Time to start thinking of baby proofing. 

He’s also so vocal! He loves to babble when he plays in his jungle gym and he.is.loud! (Wonder where he gets it from lol) It’s so cool to see his imagination working even at 4 months. He’s just babbling at his toys all by himself like a big boy! And he’s still so happy all the time. How did we get so lucky? I don’t know but I thank God everyday that we did. 

Can’t wait to see how much he grows by next month! 

Now that Howie is 4 months tomorrow 😳 I figure it’s a good time to post about him when he turned 3 months! My goal is to get on top of this next month! #lifewithanewborn

Howie has so much personality now! It’s amazing just to see how he’s a different person than when he turned 2 months. He was smiley and happy but now he’s laughing, looking at you when you talk to him, ticklish – so much fun! But he’s still the happiest baby! We are so blessed that he wakes up with a smile on his face and never goes away (unless the damn milk doesn’t come out fast enough). 

He’s getting so strong! He holds his head so well and is more solid. It’s so fun to see him sit in his bumbo and look at the world in a different angle than laying on his back! He is starting to like tummy time a lot more (but still screams) and is starting to play with toys – so fun! I love just watching his little mind work. It’s fascinating! 

I also went back to work full time. It was an adjustment for sure. It’s crazy how being away from Howie even for a few hours is hard. This little boy has brought so much joy to us. I can’t even begin to describe it. Howie, thank you for allowing me and your daddy to be your parents. 

One year ago from today these 2 pink lines changed our lives.

 It’s amazing how these lines that are barely a half an inch long can make your world turn upside down in the most incredible way. I remember how nervous I was to even take a test to see if the frozen embryo transfer worked. Our hopes and lives depended on one pee test. After the fresh IVF cycle didn’t work, I didn’t know if I had enough emotionally to keep going. I remember not overthinking every symptom that I thought I was having. I remember earlier that week walking past the bakery at the grocery store and feeling so sick from smelling the sugary sweetness. I wrote a little note saying it seemed weird but tried not to look into it. I remember not wanting a cup of coffee in the morning, and if you know me you know that’s weird. I remember trying not to think that meant I was pregnant. I remember not wanting to jinx it. I remember how I tried to wait as long as I could before looking at this test. I remember how my heart jumped a few beats when I saw those 2 pink lines. “Holy shit” I said out loud with tears falling down my face. “It worked!” I hope I remember all those feelings for my whole entire life. 

And now one year later, this 16 week old bundle of joy continues to make our hearts grow more and more every second of every day. 

One year later, I’ve had my first Mother’s Day; something I honestly wasn’t sure would ever happen. Deep down I knew it would someday but deep down there was also this small worry that it might never happen. After trying for so long you start to wonder about things like that. That’s why I was SO EXCITED for my first Mother’s Day! So stupid but I was just so elated when it was here. And getting so many snuggles and so much love from my boys made it the best day ever. 
One year. Wow! How amazing our Maker truely is to bless us with so much happiness, amazingness and love wrapped up in our sweet Howie. 

Howie is 2 months! He’s the happiest and most laid back baby! He loves to smile at his mom and dad, especially in the morning when you say “Hi Howie!” He’s gotten so much more personality over the past month! He’s like a little human now! He loves cooing back and forth between mom and dad, loves smiling and looking at his stars on his swing, and when he’s upset looking outside does the trick. He holds his head up really well! He only wakes up once in the middle of the night to eat (yay!). And he’s so alert now, it’s amazing to see! Just when he looks up at you and smiles because you’re making him happy, I can’t even begin to tell you how much it makes my heart melt. I feel like the Grinch when his heart grew that Christmas Day. Every time Howie smiles at me, my heart grows! He’s so.close to giggling and I can just imagine how adorable that is going to be. 

He’s now 11 pounds, 4 ounces and 24″ long. 50th percentile for weight, 87th for height. 

He had a busy month too! He took his first road trip up to see family in Colorado where (along with his grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins) he got to meet his great grandma (he’s the 35th great grandchild of hers), his Aunt Kristen, Uncle Cam and cousin Gabe, and his Godparents, Kali and Luke. He has been blessed with meeting so many of our amazing friends and family both in Colorado and here in Lubbock. We are so incredibly lucky that so many people love our sweet boy. 💙

Being a new mom means you’re behind ON EVERYTHING! We are all living on Howie’s schedule which means we’ve been surviving for the past 2 months so this mama is a little behind on her blogging. All you parents understand this survival I’m sure! But it’s the best survival in the world! 

Howie is 1 month! He loves to eat (and will give his lungs a workout letting you know when he is), loves to lay on his changing table and stare at the ceiling fan, and he smiled at us the morning of his one month birthday! He hates when his diaper is dirty – like seriously it could be s speck of poop and he freaks out, haha. He is cooing so much more and starting to communicate with his mom and dad! He still has lots of hair and it’s getting lighter and best of all, he’s starting to focus on everything! I love that you can tell his big beautiful blue eyes are absorbing so much around him. It’s amazing to see! 

One year. 

That’s the difference in these pictures.
One year ago from right now we were at one of our lowest lows. We found out the first two embryos didn’t take and our IVF had failed. So much hope, faith, and prayers weighed on us when we were waiting for the blood tests results. I still remember that feeling of anxiousness. Hoping that our lives were going to change with that one phone call and those two words: “you’re pregnant.” But it didn’t happen one year ago. I still remember not wanting to take a picture of the mantle on this day because it just hurt and I didn’t want to remember the pain. I didn’t want to remember everything we had gone through to get to this point and I didn’t want to remember how it failed. I didn’t want to remember how I felt like I failed us because for some reason those embryos lived until they got into me. It’s still a difficult thing to think about today. It’s still hard to know that we lost those embryos for reasons we’ll never understand. I have a feeling it always will be hard and hurt our hearts a little bit, and that’s ok.

But this: 

This miracle named Howie makes me understand a little more. When I showed Laryen the picture of the empty mantle picture and told him that was exactly one year ago he said, “Wow. And now we have Howie.” We sure do. We get to be this boy’s parents; how did we get so lucky. 

Hard to believe what can change in a year. 

This saying has been on our refrigerator for as long as I can remember. I remember writing it and I remember telling myself to read it everyday and believe in it and pray. Pray. Pray. Pray.

I can’t believe our prayers have been answered. We are now parents. And just like the challenges it took for us to get to this day, the labor went hand in hand. 22 1/2 hours of labor before Howie Christopher would come into our lives at 2:51am January 26, 2017. 9.9 pounds, 22 3/4.” Our big BOY!!  My water broke just before 4:30am on the 25th. After so many hours of labor I was progressing well and they thought I’d have our little embryo that could around 9 that night. But when they checked to see how far along I was around 8:30pm, they noticed my water was warm and I had a fever. They worried our baby would have an infection so told us they’d be taking it straight to the NICU for observation. This was one of the scariest moments of my life. Not knowing if our baby was going to be ok and there’s nothing you can do to make it better. You feel so helpless and scared. We started praying right away and other than a little fever at birth, luckily everything turned out ok. But getting Howie here was a hard challenge too! About 2 hours after finding out about the infection possibility I was dilated to a 10. I pushed hard for 2 hours but he just didn’t want to budge! We found out later he was just too big and couldn’t get past my pelvic bone. But they could see him! I remember then saying “it has a lot of hair!” So around 2:30 am they prepped me for a c-section. I felt so defeated, but when they pulled him out we realized why he wasn’t budging! All the doctors said “woah” right when they saw his head! And I’ll never forget when Laryen announced what it was. He goes, “it’s a boy” in the most surprising voice ever (he was convinced it was a girl!) I could hear just how proud he was in that instant. I’ll never forget that moment: him asking me if I hear him crying, hearing him cry and tearing up. Even though I was in pain, in shock, shaking because I was so cold and getting stitched back up, at that moment I felt so whole. Our family was finally whole. 

We were at the hospital longer than expected because of my c section and Howie’s time in the NICU. Thank goodness our parents were there to help us get through the difficulties at the hospital. We can’t thank them enough. They did so much to help take care of me and love on Howie; we are so incredibly lucky. So much love from the rest of our family and friends, too. Just thinking of how lucky we are and how many people help make our hearts so full brings tears to my eyes. Thank you just isn’t enough.

Now 2 weeks in to this new life, we’re getting in some sort of the swing of things. We’ve never been more tired in our lives but seeing Howie’s sweet face or snuggling with him makes all the difference. Laryen is such an incredible dad. Thinking of how much love he has for Howie is enough to seriously make my heart burst. I can’t wait to see them do everything that he’s already planned for them (including dressing in matching overalls). This is going to be fun. 

More than a year of standing in front of this fireplace. So many different emotions, trying times, happiness and sadness and SO MANY steps to get to right here. And I don’t know about you, but this is my favorite picture of them all! 

Welcome home Howie Christopher, our little embryo that could! 




The final countdown is here! 

For the past couple of months we’ve been counting down the days with kisses for Baby S. My mom made this for me (isn’t she so cute) and at one time there were 70 something kisses in this jar. Now I can’t believe there are only 7! I’m also happy that we’re starting this kid out right with a sweet tooth just like its mama! ☺

Contractions have been getting the best of me lately. They’re strong but fake which is so not fair because we get so excited then nope, nada. No baby yet. I know it’ll be here soon enough though. Even more exciting than finally meeting our son/daughter is seeing Laryen become a father. This is something I have been dreaming and thinking about for 15+ years. The joy on his face when he starts talking about our child makes my heart explode with love and happiness. He’s been so amazing through all of this. And I think it would be hard to just see everything happen from afar, knowing that it’s your child too but you’re still just waiting on the sidelines ready to be subbed in. Game time- almost here (for the both of us!) 

Can’t believe it’s less than 2 weeks now until this bundle of joy is due! When people say it’ll go by fast, they aren’t lying! Even though these last couple of weeks have beeennnn sloooowing dowwwn…probably because I’m getting very uncomfortable. And just antsy! When are you going to get here baby boy/girl?! Every Braxton Hicks contraction or cramp has me wondering if this is it — and it’s not. Lol. I’m just going to start thinking it’ll probably be late and then maybe I can get through the days better! 

My ankles are hurting and swollen, back hurting, and I’m all around just trying to make it through the day and night as easily as I can. But I know it’ll all be worth it! Sleep is becoming a precious gem, which most people tell me “it’s just getting you ready for when you’re up all night with a newborn.” But at least Laryen can help then and my ankles will be normal size again and I can sleep on my stomach again! And then you can look into the beautiful eyes of our sweet baby and snuggle and hold them instead of just wondering when that’ll happen! That’s what I can’t wait for! Oh so close! 

Nothing new on the dilation path. Let the waiting game continue! 

I’m going to miss being pregnant. It’s weird to think, but I’m going to miss the bond I feel with this baby. Always feeling it kick and move; it’s just so amazing. But as Laryen says, we’re almost to the fun part: our little baby who we can hold, snuggle, and love. And he is right BUT I’m still going to miss it (but not the no sleep and back ache part…and probably not the swollen ankles either) 😀

Got to get a little pre-labor-fun-in a couple of days ago. My blood pressure was up so they had me go to the hospital for some extra blood work and checks. Everything turned out being just great and it’s better to be safe than sorry. Luckily even if something was wrong, baby is big enough and far enough along that we should be in the clear. (doctor still guesses it could be 8 pounds at birth — so I’m mentally getting prepared for that!) So now we’ll just keep going to the doctor every week and see if any progress is being made. 

 

 

 

Right now: we’re at a fingertip dilated. Progress  has begun!