Estrogen is now in the system!
I started taking 1 pill a day and now I’m up to 2 a day; 1 in the morning, another at night. I’ll take 3 pills in a couple of days then I got back down to 2.
We’re about halfway done with the meds. My stomach is getting a little tender from the shots so I’ll probably switch sides starting tomorrow. And good news — my headaches have pretty much gone away so hooray!
We’re getting there!
There really are so many fewer steps this time around! It’s so nice! Lol I’ll only be posting every couple of days or so since there really isn’t much going on!
I’ve been having a headache for the past couple of days. Not terrible like I felt with all the hormones during our IVF cycle, but it’s still there.
Just one (teeny) shot a night continues! Easy peasy!
Tomorrow night I’ll start adding estrogen to the mix. Time to get that lining ready to make a nice, comfy home for our embryos!
Hello banner, it’s nice to see you again!
It’s now officially the first day of our frozen embryo cycle. That means it’s time for shots (I’ve been missing them SO much!) 😉
It’s just a little guy, and I really wasn’t nervous this time around! I guess I’m officially a pro! I had to suck the medicine out of the vial into an insulin needle– then pinch the skin near my belly button, and voila!
This will be the drill for the next few days, then I’ll add estrogen pills into the mix. Fingers crossed my body responds well to the meds!
Got the clear from the doctor: everything looks great so we are ready to start our frozen embryo cycle (or FET)! Day 1 is Saturday! In a nutshell, over the next few weeks I’ll be taking medicine to stimulate my uterus lining to get it thick enough to hold the embryos. Once it’s at the right thickness (the nurse said they’re picky little guys) we’ll do the embryo transfer, just like in the IVF cycle. This means I still need to take meds but not as many as during IVF.
Here’s a look at my very organized medication calendar:
It might seem OCD but I don’t want to miss any medication and possibly throw off the whole cycle! lol The calendar really helped us stay organized during IVF so I’m hoping it does the same thing this time around. The more organized I feel the less overwhelming the whole process seems to me.
I only need to take one shot this time around– HOORAY!! Ok wait, that’s a lie. I also need to take the dreaded progesterone shots but that’s not for another few weeks. It’s called Lupron. What it does is it temporarily tells my body to stop ovulating which also stops my body from producing any hormones related to that ie; progesterone, estrogen, etc. They don’t want my body producing any of these hormones or they can’t put our little embies in me. And we don’t want that.
Since that shot shuts everything off, they’re also giving me Estrogen to make my lining thick. It’s just a pill that I take every night, sometimes I need to take 2 or 3, just depends on the day.
And then there’s these big ol’ boys again. Yes, I need to take the progesterone shot again. But honestly, it’s really not that bad. My butt is still bruised from last time, but hey the only person who sees it is Laryen and if he doesn’t care, then I don’t care!! LOL! These shots will start close to transfer time.
Just like in IVF I also need to take Medrol. It’s a steroid I take around transfer time to make sure no infections happen in the lining which could result in my body rejecting the embryos, and we don’t want that do we?!
Oh and last but not least (how could I forget!) — more money for us to try and get our future kiddos. (I really hope they get a full ride scholarship for college!)
Everyone I talked to and a lot of the infertility blogs I’ve read say FET is a lot easier of a cycle and a lot less stressful. Fewer medication, fewer visits to the doctor, which I’m happy about. I didn’t feel stressed during IVF, but I know it’s a lot on my body- so who knows! My body could have been stressed because there was so much going on and maybe that’s why it didn’t work! Unfortunately we’ll never know.
I feel better about the whole thing now that we talked to the nurses, learned more about the FET cycle and got the all clear. I know we have to get our little embies! They can’t hang out in the lab forever! 😉 And we pray and pray and pray that this is the time God wants us to become parents. But if it’s not, that’s ok too. I keep telling myself over and over again what Laryen always tells me: “We will be parents.” And yes, we will.
If you have room in your prayer list, please include us over the next month or so. We’ll take all the prayers, hopes, and well wishes you can send our way. ❤
I kinda feel like I’m getting ready for a big test. The test is called FET and I hope we pass with flying colors of blue or pink (or both!!) 😉
There really isn’t that much prep stuff that goes into a frozen embryo transfer. We have our new calendar which is pretty easy-peasy compared to everything that was on our IVF calendar.
Next week I’ll go in for my baseline ultrasound where they’ll check to make sure everything looks good. The weird thing is this time, my entire reproductive system will be kind of in ‘pause mode’ this month compared to a normal month. They don’t want my hormones doing ANYTHING or it can ruin the embryo transfer. I’ll be on medicine that will suppress everything, getting it ready for the two embryos just hanging out with the other frozen embies in the lab! (hope they’re making some good friends!)
I’m also on these again:
(I know, doesn’t it seem so backwards to be on birth control when we’re trying to get pregnant?!) I’ll be on these until next week to make sure my hormones are all in check and being boring i.e: not ovulating. I’m also on the pill so the doctor can have control over my system. They can decide how long I’ll be on the pills to determine when the embryo transfer will take place at a good time for my schedule and theirs.
It’s hard to put it into words what’s been going through my mind the past month. I’m scared. I’m nervous. I’m worried. I’m possessive over our frozen guys and don’t want to lose them. It’s just tough.
We were so excited and full of hope when we had our first IVF. We knew THIS was our best chance yet to get pregnant and were super hopeful and positive. I mean we knew there was a chance that it wouldn’t work, but when you put so much into something that you want so much, why would you even think about the negative? That’s not us, and that never will be. That being said…this time I feel almost like a bad person because right now I’m not excited. We’re hopeful – yes. We’re praying – yes. But I’m not feeling like how I did a couple of months ago. Maybe that’s normal for people who go through infertility. I’ll get there I’m sure. I just think how much of an endeavor this whole process really is is finally sinking in.
It’s comforting knowing that hopefully this feeling will be short lived. And it’s also comforting knowing that we are surrounded by so much love and support from family and friends. Thank you for that comfort. ❤
Today is like a fun game of infertility word scramble! Can I have a “T” and I’ll buy a vowel…an “E.” I’d like to solve! FET!!!
Luckily a lot of the medical jargon in the infertility world is shortened to 3 letters so I don’t need to redo my whole banner I made for our IVF cycle! (it’s the little things in life, am I right?!! LOL) Anyway, we are close to getting to the next step which will be our frozen embryo transfer, or FET. You probably remember we got 4 blastocysts from our IVF cycle. They put in 2 during the failed IVF cycle and froze the other 2! So this next step is transferring the 2 frozen embryos into me! Same odds as the IVF; 70% chance for a positive pregnancy test and 50% chance for a heartbeat at the first ultrasound — so definitely something to stay positive about!
We don’t have the exact dates or details yet but hopefully we will in the next week or so. It sounds like a pretty easy process compared to the IVF. A LOT less medications which means fewer shots — even though I WAS becoming pro status! I don’t care if it increased the shots by a million, I’d do it if it meant that we would become parents!
It’s been a roller coaster of a month as far as our emotions go. I was super busy after our failed IVF, which was good for me. It kept my mind off of the heart ache. But when that busyness stopped, the sadness returned a lot more than I thought it would be. I’m feeling a lot better than I was, it’s just still not all gone yet…and honestly I don’t know if it ever will be. You just learn to live with this “new” feeling of what you’ve been through. Just a couple of days ago Laryen told me, “you know I’m still sad that it didn’t work, I just want you to know that.” He’s been my rock through all of this and he’s focused so much on making sure I’m ok that I think he just wanted me to know that he still has the same emotions I do about it, even one month later. And I love him so much for that.
This has become a boulder in our race over the hurdles. The boulder is getting smaller and smaller every day, but it’s still there. We just have to keep focusing on the finish line: becoming a Mommy and Daddy. And we’ll cross it some day, I know we will. And just thinking of that makes both our hearts so happy.
When you work in TV news you learn to develop a thick skin very quickly. People are harsh critics and sometimes you need to brush it off, call it a day, and drink a glass of wine (or 2 😉). As weird as it may sound, I think TV news and infertility have that in common. You go through so many ups and downs with infertility it’s not even funny. And if you don’t have a thick skin to pick yourself up and try to clear the next hurdle you’ll never get to that final step – with that beautiful bundle of joy!
Today a viewer put this on our news Facebook page and messaged our Chief Meteorologist the same question:
First thing that went through my mind — wow I guess I need to work out more. Second thing that went through my mind — you should NEVER ask anyone that question. Period. Even if you think they’re pregnant, still don’t ask! Why do viewers think it’s okay to judge us on everything. We don’t walk into your job and do that! Third thing that went through my mind — if only she knew our story and how much that comment just makes my head hang a little lower and my heart hurt a little bit. I WISH I was pregnant. I WISH I was gaining weight to give our baby a nice place to live for the next 9 months. I WISH our IVF hadn’t failed last month. So many wishes came to my mind from just three simple words in one simple question.
I didn’t post this for people to feel bad for me or tell me that I don’t look pregnant. I know I don’t. It’s not that at all. The truth is — over the past couple of days, I was finally feeling okay. I could feel my spirits up. I could feel the hope coming back into my heart and my soul. I know it’s still there. This is just a shadow that is trying to keep me from being okay with everything and I know that shadow is slowly starting to fade even hours later. I’m sure tomorrow it won’t even bother me and I’ll be back to normal ol’ Lauren.
Oy vey, just another day in TV news! 😉
When life doesn’t go the way you want or plan I feel like you can go 1 of 2 ways. You can get negative, be mad, want to give up. Or…you can look at your life and see how lucky you really are. I know it’s harder to go the second route, but Laryen and I constantly TRY to see the positive out of everything. That’s just the kind of people we are and that’s the kind of people we always have been and always will be. This is something that we will pass along to our children and hope they live their lives like this too.
That being said: yes we were sad, mad, confused, depressed, bummed, hurt when we found out the IVF didn’t work. Our hearts still hurt weeks later. But you know what? We are so damn lucky. And we didn’t need a negative pregnancy test to tell us that. We know it and thank God for that EVERY SINGLE DAY — just sometimes it gets blurred between the lines of the busyness we call life.
I can’t begin to tell you how many AMAZING people we have in our lives. I honestly don’t know how we got to be so lucky. So many words of hope, love, promise, sadness, kindness, thoughtfulness, prayers have been given to us from the wonderful people we are lucky enough to call our family and friends. We’ve heard these words over the phone, in cards and letters, text messages, voice mails, through hugs, care packages, flowers … the list goes on and on. Every single word and gesture has become a permanent part of our hearts. And it will stay there forever. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We can’t wait for our children to be blessed with you in their lives as well.
I’ve been staring at the computer screen for a good 10-15 minutes, just not knowing how I want to start this latest blog entry. I wanted to put something funny or witty at first, then I wanted to write something sad, then I just wanted to cuss up a storm, then I wanted to leave it blank and just have the quote and not say anything at all. That kind of describes how we’ve been feeling. So lost and confused.
It didn’t work.
Those 3 words suck. There’s really no other way to put it other than that. It didn’t work. I’m not pregnant. And I think what Laryen said sums it up best: “It was a shitty f***ing day.”
We always knew there was a chance it wouldn’t work. Infertility is all about probability and statistics. The miracle that anyone is here is a probability all in itself. Babies really ARE miracles. They’re miracles if you’re religious and they’re miracles when you break down the science of reproduction. Everything has to be just.right for it to work. And for some reason, something wasn’t just.right this time for us.
When I saw that Dr. Huang was calling me after we took our blood test I knew that probably wasn’t a great sign. For a second I debated letting it go to voicemail because I thought maybe it’d change the outcome. But I answered. The first thing he said to me was, “Ms. Stammer I was so disappointed when I got your results and I was shocked.” When you have a doctor who has been doing infertility treatment for 20+ years and has won numerous prestigious awards in his field and HE’S surprised by the results, that tells you something. He went on to explain why he was so shocked. To sum it up, everything on the list checked out above average. Every embryo is graded on a 1-5 scale. They’re graded on the number of cells, how it looks, how it’s progressing, etc. The two embryos they put in were a 4A and 4B. Dr. Huang said that’s pretty much a 95%. And everything with me checked out, so in a science world, there isn’t any reason why it didn’t work.
But, it didn’t work. We are in the 30%. 2 out of 3 people who do IVF in their clinic will have a positive pregnancy test, 1/3 won’t. For some reason, that is us.
He went on to say that it could have been (and probably was) abnormal chromosomes. We didn’t test the chromosomes when the embryos were developing because we said to ourselves in “real life, AKA non-infertility life” you wouldn’t test the chromosomes, so why do it now? (plus, it was A LOT more money). If the chromosomes don’t work, then it won’t work. It’s nature’s way of saying, no these cells don’t complete the person puzzle, so it won’t live and won’t thrive. That’s why even though 70% will have a positive pregnancy test, only 50% will have a heartbeat at 8 weeks. And Dr. Huang said it best “Even if you got a positive test today, if it WAS abnormal chromosomes, you would have miscarried anyways. It could have been now, in two weeks or in 2 months, but that would have happened.”
And that is what I’m grasping onto. As hard as it was to have a negative blood test, I would have much more wanted to know that NOW as opposed to having the “high” of the positive test and the “low” and heartbreak of miscarrying. And I’m going to hold onto that and I hope it helps us with this whole process.
But for now, our hearts hurt. And you know the hardest thing? We have to somehow find comfort in knowing that we will never know the answer to the ‘why.’ Why did this happen? Why did something go wrong? Why did we have to go through so much just to have it not work? And unfortunately, we won’t know the answer. Probably never. But once we do become parents we WILL know part of the answer. That will be why. That is the child that God wanted us to have. And that helps Laryen and I find comfort. We aren’t in control and we know that, but we believe and have faith that a miracle will happen for us. As Laryen always tells me: “We will become parents.” Just for some reason or another it’s supposed to be harder for us than for others.
Hold on little frozen embies. We are on our way to getcha!
We are getting down to the last couple of days until we take the big test! Everyone keeps asking me if I feel any “different.” Not that I notice — which I don’t know if that is a good or bad thing. I’m very tired and my boobs are tender. (a quick Google search will tell you it could be pregnancy or it could be from the progesterone or it could be pms– btw, don’t Google your symptoms, like EVER!)
We are still feeling good about everything. I’m proud that I’m not over analyzing anything like I have in the past. We know we’ve done everything we can to get us to this point. It’s in God’s hands now.
The Infertility Game of Life 